


A Quick Jaunt to the Store

by Milady_Montrose



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 04:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11006475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady_Montrose/pseuds/Milady_Montrose
Summary: One-shot. Peridot accompanies Doug and Connie to the store. From this, she is inspired to give the Maheswarans a gift.





	A Quick Jaunt to the Store

Doug adored peppers of any kind. The genus _Piper_ , giving him the peppercorns that when crushed, produced black pepper, that wonderfully pungent spice. The genus _Capsicum_ , of the nightshades, churning out many well-known and flavorful peppers such as the bell pepper, or the chili pepper. The genus _Pimenta_ , of the myrtle family, gifting him allspice.

There was one day, every fortnight, when Doug would go to the market, and stock up on his beloved beauties. Rarely, his wife would accompany him (she was so busy!), but more often, his daughter Connie would come for the ride. Now, this day, Connie and her friend Peridot were tagging along. Apparently, Steven had recommended that Peridot go.

Doug tried not to glance at Peridot while driving. In the back seat, Connie was soothing Peridot. “Don’t worry, there aren’t a lot of people in the market at this time of day,”

Doug tore his attention back to the road, and reached his destination safely. True to Connie’s words, the market was deserted. Doug could shop in peace.

Inside the store, Doug reached his first objective: bell peppers. Peridot peeked over the container, to look at the green vegetables. “An interesting shape,” she said, taking a picture.

“Yep,” said Doug, trying to make conversation. “We’re looking for a good, firm, pepper here.”

“Why?” asked Peridot.

It was a sensible question, and one Doug had answered before. “They give the best flavor. Also, wrinkly peppers could be rotten inside.”

Peridot looked into the barrel, reached deep, and took one out. She showed it to Connie.

Doug peered at it. A white substance coated the top. “Uhh…That’s a fungus,” he said.

“Is it edible?” asked Peridot.

“I don’t think so…” said Doug.

“We should find out!” said Peridot, eyebrows jumping up.

Connie’s face shriveled, like she’d eaten a lemon. “Er…if we eat it, we could get sick…”

Peridot put the pepper back, slightly disappointed. After a moment, she took a picture. “I’ll show this to Steven!”

Doug chose several good peppers, and proceeded to the spicier peppers. Doug began to inspect the jalapeños. He leaned over the box filled with pepper, and began to search for the hottest. 

“So. Dad,” she started. “Why don’t you tell us how you find hot peppers?” She glanced multiple times from her dad to Peridot.

After three back-and-forths, Doug got it. “Oh! So, uh, Peridot, I’m looking for the hottest peppers.”

Peridot looked down at the box. “All of these peppers are approximately room temperature.”

Connie leaped in, “We’re talking about spiciness!”

“Yeah!” chipped in Doug. “See, the peppers that are wrinkly with white striations on them are the hottest.” He pointed out one such pepper to Peridot, then continued to collect the necessary peppers. She plucked it, and studied it.

“How is spiciness measured?” Peridot asked. “I don’t get it,” she looked at Connie.

Connie’s brain raced around for a bit, then she came up with the right answer: “The spicier a pepper is, the more capsaicin it has!”

Peridot’s face glowed with understanding…of a kind. “Aha! I see!” She pointed at Connie triumphantly. “This chemical capsaicin, must be necessary to human growth.”

Connie’s face fell. Peridot continued theorizing, “Thus, the humans will look for the ‘spiciest’ peppers…”

She continued to mutter to herself as they finished shopping, and continued until they reached the car outside.

Peridot then turned to Connie. Picking her pepper from the bag, Peridot said: “This is a relatively inefficient way to get your nutrients.” Puffing out her chest a little, Peridot proclaimed, “Don’t worry! I will isolate this capsaicin, and bring you a lifetime supply of it.”

“T-that’s not necessary, Peridot! We just like to eat capsaicin, that’s all.” Connie said, strapping Peridot into the back seat.

“I see,” said Peridot. She kept quiet the entire time, writing out something on a pad of paper. No matter how Connie craned her head over Peridot, she couldn’t quite see what she wrote down. Doug dropped her off at the Barn, with the hottest pepper of the bunch as a souvenir. Peridot thanked them for allowing her to accompany them, then rocketed for the Barn, screeching for Lapis.

Two days later, Connie helped her dad cook lunch. The doorbell rang, and Priyanka went to see who it was. Priyanka didn’t return for a few seconds.

“Wonder who it is,” mused Doug as he flipped the thin pancakes on the griddle.

Just as he said this, Priyanka entered the kitchen, with a weird look on her face. Looking at Connie, she said, “Two… _people_ …are at the door. They gave their names as Peridot and Lapis and they are _green and blue_.”

Her words were punctuated by a shout of, “ **I BROUGHT YOU A GIFT, CONNNIIIEEE!** ”

Doug looked to Connie, who rushed to the door. Peridot and Lapis stood in the entryway, brandishing a large clear box each, both filled with whitish powder.

Connie ushered the two in, and as Doug watched and Priyanka _stared_ , deposited their gifts on the living room table. Lapis muttered, “Peridot wanted to wrap them up, but we didn’t have pretty paper.”

Peridot thrust her hands in the air and yelled, “Connie! Look at your gift! Isn’t it great?”

Connie nodded rapidly, “Er…it’s great! Thanks Lapis, Peridot!”

Priyanka came around from the kitchen entryway, and crouched over the boxes, shoulders hunched like a hawk. “What is this?”

“Pure capsaicin,” said Lapis.

Priyanka’s face seemed to wrinkle at the edges. Connie blinked.

Peridot nodded like a bobblehead. “Yep! It took a little while, but I brought it for you! You like eating it so much, Steven suggested I bring you some as a gift.”

A smirk twitched at the edges of Lapis’s lips. “Of course, Peridot never actually told Steven _what_ the gift was, just that it was spicy…”

Peridot’s head whipped around, and she announced they had to leave, because Steven might be visiting that day. Peridot rushed out the door, but Lapis lingered a bit. After a moment of consideration, she pointed at the boxes. “Peridot was really enthusiastic, so I didn’t mention it, but…don’t eat that. It’s really hot. I looked it up. Capsaicin causes…intense pain, conjunctivitis…vomiting…”

Lapis ticked them off on her fingers, as Priyanka nodded.

Connie smiled at Lapis. “I guess we’ll keep it anyway, though…since it was your gift and all.”

“OK.” Lapis turned and followed Peridot, leaving the Maheswarans to wonder what exactly they would do with a pound of pure capsaicin. Eventually, Priyanka took it to give to a friend. “I guess this could be used for an analgesic…or pesticide… I’ll have to thank those two later.”


End file.
